if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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