I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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