Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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