I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Randomize
