"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
