Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.