ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual