He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course