the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
