I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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