I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
