what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
