I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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