dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
