Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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