I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
