Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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