absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
