Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
