If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
