I am spending my child support on dildos
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
