How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
