Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
