tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
