I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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