Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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