I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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