After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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