you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
