The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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