dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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