Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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