I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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