why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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