I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I forget how to act sober
Randomize