Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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