No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
