i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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