I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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