we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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