how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
