Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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