Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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