It's Friday. Sex?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
