why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
