dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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