After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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