i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
