I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
