I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
