How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
