at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
