I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
