I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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