I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
