I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you win again, gameday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
