i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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