This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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