drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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