Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
