i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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