ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
