here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
