I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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